yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
only if we run a train.
done.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
