i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
