I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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