we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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