Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
