I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
