Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize