I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
