The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
