the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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