I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
