you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
