She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
