Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
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