I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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