I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
