i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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