please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
