I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
