Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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