I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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