How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
