i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Let's get the cat blown out
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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