he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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