Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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