i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
