Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
