Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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