You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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