so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
