Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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