South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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