Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
