I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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