i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
