i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
