you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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