i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
