I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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