How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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