Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
