I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize