Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
