I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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