is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
