dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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