I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
