It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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