Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
