it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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