she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
