If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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