just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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