it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
