i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
