at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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