I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
