FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
