By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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