she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Let's paint friendship bongs
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
