2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
