The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
