dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
