so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
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Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
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Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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