Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Did you just see the Batmobile???
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
