She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
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I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
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They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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