Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
you never un-have a 4some
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
