If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize