if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
