You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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