It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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