I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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