how can u be prego again
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize
