oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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