so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
