what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize