According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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