the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
