This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
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I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
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Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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