I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
