I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
