I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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