Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
