feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He passed out mid-signature
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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