It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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